Dark Side Of Autism (Adulthood)

This piece reflects my experience of autism as an adult, not as something visible on the surface, but something that lives constantly underneath it. It isn’t something that switches off, it’s the way I process everything, all the time.

The split figure represents the divide I live with daily. One side is what’s happening internally, the overload, the distortion, the way sound, light, and interaction can build until it becomes too much to hold. The other side is what people see, the version of me that has learned how to exist in a world that doesn’t naturally make space for how my mind works.

Masking sits at the centre of this. It’s something I’ve had to learn, not because I wanted to, but because I needed to. It’s copying, adjusting, rehearsing, holding back natural reactions, forcing myself into shapes that feel acceptable. Over time it becomes automatic, but it never becomes easy. It’s exhausting in a way that isn’t always visible, because most of it happens internally.

The lines binding the body represent that constant tension, the effort it takes to hold everything together, to stay composed while my mind is processing more than it can comfortably carry. “Too much” isn’t just a phrase, it’s how things feel when the world doesn’t quiet down, when everything stacks instead of filters.

This isn’t about being broken. It’s about living in a way that requires constant adjustment, constant awareness, constant effort just to move through spaces that others don’t have to think twice about.

But underneath all of that, there is still me, not the mask, not the expectation, just me. This piece is about that reality, the parts people don’t always see, and the strength it takes to keep showing up.